As moms, we tend to put a lot of undue pressure on ourselves. We feel like we have to carry the burden and that it’s up to us to keep it all afloat. This is simply not the case. We were created to live life together with others, whether single or married, we were not meant to carry the burdens of our hearts and lives by ourselves. This is hard to learn for many of us. It was certainly hard for me to learn, but when I did learn to let go, it was the best thing that I could have done for my family, my relationship with my husband, and myself. This is the story of the season when I learned about journeying together.
My personal battle
Since my miscarriage, there have been many seasons I have walked through and lots of time to do it in, we’re talking from 2011 until 2013 as I am writing this. This personal battle that I thought I needed to fight by myself lasted probably about six months or so. We all know what happens when we allow things to bubble inside, eventually we pop. Lucky for me, it didn’t take a pop to realize that I needed to walk this journey with others. All it took was a gentle touch from my husband to begin the slow release of pressure from within my heart and soul.
Letting my husband in
One night before going down to sleep, Hubs and I were lying in bed cuddled together talking. The topic of us trying to conceive came up and I began talking about some the feelings that I had been bottling up. It was then that I realized that I hadn’t talked to him about much of that. I kept it all to myself and wrestled with it alone. The one person who is supposed to share my deepest burdens and carry me through better or worse didn’t know how I was feeling about one of the most important things to our family at the moment. My hubby then said something so poignantly and ever so gently, “I don’t know why you keep all of that to yourself.”
He was right. Why did I keep that to myself? I clearly couldn’t make this baby without his help, so why was I placing blame and guilt and shame on myself? This is not to say that I was placing blame, guilt or shame upon him, not at all. For me it was more about letting my husband into the deepest darkest parts of my heart when it mattered most to our relationship and to our family. By closing myself off to him it affected the way I would sometimes relate to him, maybe react to another pregnancy announcement or over-react to our son for no apparent reason. It was time to let go and let him in. This was not a battle to be fought between me and God, it was a road to be walked through with my husband, hand in hand.
Letting others in
Once I let my husband in, things seemed much better; personally, a weight was lifted off of my chest. From there it wasn’t long before I began to share my story with others and the more I let others into my heart, the more I felt relief. When sharing the more intimate struggles I had with some women in my Mom’s group at church, things began to happen. People actually began praying for me! I began to see why we weren’t meant to live life alone, because some things in life are just too heavy for us to carry on our own. When you know that people are praying for you, it gives you hope. Prayer gives you that extra ounce of energy to get through a rough day. Prayer is a tap on the shoulder to remind you that you are not alone.
Don’t go through your valley alone.
It can be scary to let others in, I know. To let people into the deepest hurts and truest longings of your heart is not easy. As I look back on this two year long journey, I don’t know why I went so long without it. The greatest gift you can give a hurting person is the knowledge that they are not alone in their struggle. If you see hurt in a person’s eyes, don’t be afraid to gently probe. You could be the catalyst that begins to release the surmounting pressure that is welling up inside of them.